Not a Momma

Hello. This isn’t Mary Jo. This is her husband, Matt. As the subject says, the worst possible thing that could have happened, has. My wife of 4 years, who I knew for nine, passed away on Saturday, May 15, 2010. I can’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was my life. She was my everything. She might have felt like I didn’t believe in her problems, but I did. I told her to call her doctor and tell her the pills aren’t working. I told her… My soul was ripped in half this past Saturday, and I don’t know how to live without her. The love and support of family and friends is the only thing that keeps me from breaking down right now. Mary Jo was the kindest, sweetest, gentlest, most wonderful person on this planet. She would do almost anything for anyone.

I urge everyone to see your doctor if you suspect ANYTHING is wrong. If you don’t think your doctor is taking you seriously, GET A SECOND OPINION! This could have been diagnosed so long ago, if the doctor had taken her prior history into account. She had a relapse of heart failure, due to a blood clot in her heart that then traveled into her brain, causing her to have a stroke on May 7, 2010. She was doing well, on her way to rehab and recovery, when the doctor mentioned her bad heart and she went into a panic attack and died before my eyes.

I just thought you all should know, so you don’t wonder what happened to the best woman the world will ever know…

The following link is for the Facebook Memorial for Mary Jo:

Mary Jo Roberts Memorial

I have not been good lately. Health issues and emotional issues are overwhelming me. I don’t even know what to do lately. Dealing with everything is making me feel lost. Last night Matt and I had a long talk, and it helped some, but not enough to change things for me. I feel like so one is really paying attention to me, my friends, family, doctor. I just need people to take me seriously. I need someone to listen, to really just listen.

On April 22, 2001 my life was changed with two little words. “Wanna date?”… so romantic and heartfelt. Nine years later we are celebrating the anniversary of that first day, and the anniversary of the day we wed, exactly 5 years later.

Happy 4th Wedding, 9th Together Anniversary, Matt. I love you more every single day.

Last year on April 7th I was going about my regular day, unaware of the change that was happening in the world. My husband was at work, and I was spending my day off going about life as usual. We didn’t have internet at home at the time, so I decided to stop at the library. I wanted to check my email, and see what was happening on Twitter that day. When I pulled up my Twitter I was instantly inundated with tweets from people talking about a little girl named Maddie, who had died. I had no idea who Maddie was, had never heard of her or her parents Heather and Mike. Since that day I have prayed and thought about Maddie so often, I got to know her from reading her parents blogs, watching the videos.

On April 7th, 2009 a little angel named Maddie changed the world. Rest in peace sweet girl, you are loved beyond measure.

To celebrate her life and memory please consider making a donation to Friends of Maddie to help other families who have children in the NICU. Please click the button below.

This is part 4 of a 4 part series about my health related issues. Click to read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. Please be sure to check back to read more.

Once again with no insurance, in 2008 I started having some issues with my health again. Because we couldn’t afford my medications, I was forced to go off of most of them for a few months. During that time I was scared to death of what might happen. I also started to bleed irregulaly without my birth control shot that I had come to depend on.

Finally after a few weeks of feeling awful, and having severe shortness of breath I went to the emergency room. It had gotten to the point to where I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without feeling like I was gasping for air. I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure due to non-compliance of medications. Once again not having insurance I couldn’t afford the medications that I needed to be on.

I was given a prescription from the emergency room doctor for a strong water pill. I felt great. I made an appointment to follow up with my primary care doctor, explaining my lack of insurance. She agreed to see me, I paid in cash ($50) and she gave me cheap prescriptoins and even free heart medications that I so desperately needed.

So here I am, a little over a year later. Matt has a new job, and we have insurance again. I have my medications that I take every day and I am doing good. Sometimes it’s upsetting to think that I could very well be on medication the rest of my life. At this point I take eleven pills a day, but my heart feels strong.

Why did I write this post, I’m not sure. Maybe to share my story, maybe to make the world aware of how quickly a life can change. Maybe to help those who don’t worry about having health insurance to understand that NOT having it is a very scary and dangerous place to be. I also want to make other women aware of just how fragile our bodies are.

If you even suspect you may be having a heart attack, please call 911, and get checked out. You may just save your own life. Please check out these websites to learn more about heart health for women.

Heart Healthy Women
Heart Attack Symptoms for Her 1
Heart Attack Symptoms for Her 2

This is part 3 of a 4 part series about my health related issues. Click to read Part 1 and Part 2. Please be sure to check back to read more.

The next few days were spent in the hospital, and saw more doctors then I had seen in a lifetime. I think I told and retold the story of what happened that night a million times. I was rarely alone during that time, Matt and my mom both staying with me except during the night. The nights were the worst. Afraid I was going to die, I would end up spending most of the night in anxiety attack after anxiety attack.

My doctors were concerned about the blood loss I had experienced the prior year. I was told I was severely anemic, and that it was bad enough that I had to be given a blood transfusion. I had not realized just how bad it was until that point. You just get used to the way things are in life, and you don’t think of the harm it could be causing you.

I was taken in and had a heart catheterization, they found one blockage and put a stent in. They don’t put you completely under for that procedure, so I was in and out of consciousness. During the procedure I asked the doctor if they found anything, and he said one. Then I asked him if that was good, he said did you want me to find more? After a couple of hours I was back up in my room and awake. Still scared I was going to die at any moment, but good.

After the procedure I met the man who would become my regular cardiologist. He was wonderful with me, and tried his best to make me feel strong. Even after being released from the hospital, when I would go see him, he never made me feel bad for what had happened.

When I asked him what caused this to happen, was it because I’m obese? He said no, absolutely not, not at my age. The reason for this heart attack was a lovely little pill called birth control. Remember when I said I had high blood pressure in my teens? Apparently it was back. The estrogren increase caused by the birth control along with my high blood pressure, was more then my heart could take.

After my heart attack I went off of birth control pills, and started getting the Depo Provera shot. My doctor said my heart is doing good, and had made a great recovery. The heart attack tore me down in so many ways, and my wonderful doctor helped to build me back up. I thank God for him.

This is part 2 of a 4 part series about my health related issues. You can read part 1 here. Please be sure to check back to read more.

At this point I should mention that Matt and I were married in April of 2006, and this part of the story is from June of 2006. I was finally insured and able to be seen by actual doctors. My day started out innocently enough, spent a couple of hours watching TV and chatting with Matt. It was a Saturday I think, and we were going to go grocery shopping. As I was stepping into the shower I felt a sharp pain across the front of my chest. My first reaction was to hurry in the shower, just in case I needed to go to the hospital. I mean honestly, who thinks that way? So, I jumped in, and jumped right back out, the pain so was intense.

I have a slight tendency to overreact and when I told Matt about the pain he said I probably pulled a muscle. I ran to the bedroom and laid down, the pain was constant, but it was across my entire chest and I was feeling sick to my stomach. I decided to take some aspirin, just in case, and I tried to calm down. I got back into the shower, did a quick 3 minute scrub down and jumped back out.

Matt was getting annoyed with me at this point, did I want to go to the hospital or not. It’s just a pulled muscle, you need to calm down. He sat on the couch with me, and I did my best to relax. My body was a jumble of nerves by that point, and so I couldn’t sit still. After a few minutes I got up and went to my dear friend, Doctor Google.

I typed in my symptoms… chest pain, vomiting, shoulder pain… and Doctor Google confirmed my fears. I was having a heart attack. I told Matt what I thought, and we decided it was best to go to the hospital. We lived about three minutes away, so we drove. I was taken back right away and put through a myriad of tests.

After about eight hours of waiting, Matt went home to get some rest, and I was put in a bed and given pain meds to help me sleep. Two hours later I was woken up by the doctor on duty that night, this was now about 6:00AM. My tests had all come back clear, EKG, CT Scan, my blood pressure was fine. Everything came back clear except one blood test. One blood test, creatine kinase, or CK-MB.

The doctor told me I had, had a heart attack. Here I was, alone in a hospital room, and being told that my heart had failed me. I called Matt, I called my mom, and I sat there alone. Matt was asleep when I called, and I don’t think it quite registered what I had told him. My mom was on her way to be with me.

My nurse that night was male, and not very kind. I buzzed him in, and when he came to my room I asked him to get me a female nurse. When she came in I broke down. I asked her to hold my hand, to just be there with me. I was 25 years old, and had just been told I had a heart attack. I was scared. She stayed with me until my mom got there. I wish I could thank her, for being with me that morning.

Today’s Topic: $10 and dinner needs to get on the table – What do you make?

This is a pretty easy one for me. I am used to cooking on a budget, and most of the meals I make are $10-$15 normally. This is a recipe I found online a few months ago that we love. Inexpensive and easy to make, especially if your using leftover proteins from last night’s dinner. Sometimes I cook extra when I know I’m going to be making this, why not save myself a bit of time along with money. I’m not a great chef, but my husband likes my food, and that is what truly matters. I hope you try it, and enjoy!

Easy Chicken Pot Pie

Ingredients
1 can (10 3/4 oz.) Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup
1 pkg. (about 9 oz.) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed
1 cup cubed cooked cooked chicken or turkey
1/2 cup milk
1 egg
1 cup all-purpose baking mix (Bisquick)
Salt and pepper to taste

Cooking Instructions
PREHEAT oven to 400°F.
MIX soup, vegetables and chicken in 9″ pie plate.
MIX milk, egg and baking mix. Pour over chicken mixture. Bake 30 min. or until golden.

This is part 1 of a 4 part series about my health related issues. Please be sure to check back to read more.

Even in today’s modern society talking about long standing medical issues can sometimes seem taboo. I rarely talk about my own medical conditions, not to protect myself, but I guess to avoid it. After all, isn’t it easier to forget your sick, when you don’t talk about it?

My medical issues started young, the child of obese parents, I soon joined their ranks. This caused several issues for me as a teen. Not only did I suffer from normal teen issues like mild depression, and self esteem issues, but also things like high blood pressure, and irregular menstrual cycles.

After high school, and being told I no longer needed blood pressure medications, I went off of them. I started taking birth control pills to regulate my period, and things seemed to be improving. I was still overweight, but that didn’t seem to be causing me many problems at the time.

In 2001 I left my job, and along with it, my health insurance, to move a state away. Matt was our sole provider, and I stayed home taking care of our home. During our first year together we both put on some weight. Ah, the comforts of love, eh? But while most people might put on 10-15lbs. I took it up a notch, and gained 70lbs. I was off of my birth control, and things slowly took a turn for the worse.

During the 4 or so years I was OFF of my birth control, I spent a good majority ON my period. Sometimes it would be five days, the next time maybe seven. At times I would get two periods within the same month. It slowly progressed to the point where I was having non-stop bleeding for months at a time.

Unable to afford insurance or doctors, and after a year of non-stop bleeding I decided to try out Planned Parenthood. I was given a brief exam, asked a few questions, and sent on my merry way with birth control. It was wonderful, my period had stopped, and I was back to feeling normal again. However after just four months of being back on birth control everything changed.

Right now I’m not wearing my wedding ring. I can’t. Sometime in the almost four years since we’ve been married, my fingers have gotten skinny. The rest of me? Not so much, but my fingers are skinny. When I have my rings on they spin and if I move my hands around too much, they slip off. I need to get them resized eventually, but for now they sit and wait for the day I can wear them again. It bothers me that I can’t wear them, because I love my rings. Not just because they sparkle and are pretty, but because they are physical proof of the love I have for Matt.

Some day soon I will get my rings adjusted, until then they will sparkle and wait for me. The proof of my love for Matt, in my heart and my actions.

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